I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
