are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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