Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
