Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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