In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
