So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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