Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
