I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
