We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
