maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
