She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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