i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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