How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
