Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i will never coherently bang her
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
