My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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