the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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