soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
