Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Houston, we have a squirter
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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