last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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