I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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