haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
