he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
