just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
organizing the empties. That sober.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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