She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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