My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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