I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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