1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
