Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
