What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
