We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
