I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
