This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
