you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
