ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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