How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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