Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
