I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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