I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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