whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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