If that was your dad, he is hot
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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