HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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