TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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