i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
