Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
