He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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