I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
