I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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