you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
