Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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