im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
