If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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