He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
