Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
