The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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