you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
